I like feeling nostalgic, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside....

or maybe its the wine!

I would if I had the money most definitely hire a Nanny or whatever name you would like to give to someone who would get the girls up and ready for school then take them to school. Bugger off for a few hours. Oh no hang on a minute sod that. Someone who will then come back and do the housework, pick the girls up from school, feed them and keep them occupied until bathtime, of which I might just be able to manage. Hmmm sod that Neil can do that bit. Then I would appreciate it if they could come back the following day and do it all over again and so on and so forth.

Actually its not a nanny I need its a rent-a-mum.

Despite only ever having had three jobs in my entire life, two of which were fairly physical and one of which was a "desk job" I have never had to exert as much energy as I have when doing my job as "mother". Quite frankly I'm completely and constantly exhausted and I really can't see there being an end to it.

Despite all of that I do love em, I really do...

*insert sweet sickly smile through gritted teeth*

I haven't always felt this way towards motherhood. There was a time when I used to encourage my friends to have children exclaiming how wonderfully rewarding parenthood is. Now all I want to do is discourage the whole world from procreating and tell them all to save themselves from the constant occasional misery it can create!!

I don't think i've ever thought of my being a "stay at home" mum as being a full-time job like what "real" people do, yet whenever i have sheepishly (out of embarassment probably) declared what i do when meeting new people they have always declared that being a stay at home mum is a full-time job within itself & that its probably one of the hardest.

Maybe i should start thinking differently.

I stayed at home to raise my children because its what my mother did because i had no career because we were lucky that N has always & will always earn enough money for me to not have to work & in a time where most women returned to work within a few months of giving birth i knew that this was an opportunity not to be missed. Although i'm not sure that we ever had a discussion to that effect i think it was just assumed by both parties that i would stay at home & raise our children.

And what did i learn? I learn't that i'm not very good at it, another thing to add to the list of things i'm not good at & do you know what? so what! We can't all be good at everything we do can we now? I don't think i've ever had my sanity questioned or pushed to the absolute limit (*thinks* potty training) the way it has been over the last seven or so years.

My children aren't the be all & end all of my life & thats the way it will always be i'm afraid & it is something i will not apologise for thinking. I like to be me every now & again & there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, i like to go away on romantic weekends, i like to go out till 3 in the morning & get slaughtered whilst behaving like a teenager, i like to not take them to weddings & i like to go to the little cuban bar in Leicester on a sunday afternoon to read the papers & have a glass of wine or two infact i like to come up with a whole array of things to do that don't involve children! If we didn't have the love & support of our families which enables us to do these things lord only knows where i would be mentally now besides i would be even worse at my job than i already am!

Yes i know i am blessed but what people don't realise is that having children isn't all its cracked up to be especially when you're more slummy mummy than earth mother!